[can't control my impulses] IASA

[LILY MARIE EVANS]

[Written in hasty scrawl, obviously Lily was distressed while writing this.]

Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods!

Iasa! Please answer this owl as soon as possible! I don't even know what I'm doing anymore -- I've obviously gone terribly mad. I don't know who to talk to! I can't send this to Rhia because I can't risk the Ministry getting a hold of this! Ach! [scribbles here]

How much do you remember about me and Severus Snape, Iasa? How much did I tell you about me and him?

Oh gods!

Lily

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[IASA ISRAFEL PEPPER]

Lily,

I remember Severus. He was a Slytherin you were friends with for the first few years. And then something happened. You called that word that I never understood and wasn't supposed to say.

Why do you ask? Just take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong. You know that you can tell me anything.

Iasa

[LILY MARIE EVANS]

I just... I just -- We were friends for a really long time... Ever since I was a child. He was the first person to ever accept me as a witch. I thought I was a freak and he made me feel like I wasn't. I fell for him in my fourth year and I didn't know how to tell him because I always thought he thought of me as a sister, you know? That's just how we grew up. But then he started hanging around with the wrong crowd... Getting involved in things that endangered my life. Then when he called me a Mudblood... that just caused everything to rupture.

Now he's older and he's not the same man he was before, you know? He's so different but some place deep down inside I still hold affection for that boy that I knew once. I don't know him now, though! But I'm living with him! And oh god, oh god.

I just couldn't control myself. I kissed him! I hugged him and I bloody well kissed him on the nose-- I made a complete fool of myself! I don't even feel like me right now!

How can I even look him in the face anymore!? God, why did I have to be so stupid?!

Lily

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[IASA ISRAFEL PEPPER]

Oh Lily,

Oh!

Oh!

I see why you're so upset. I do.

Oh dear...

Oh...

Well, you can't take it back now. It just, well, it's already happened. And

Oh my.

Well, what did he did? How did he react? Or did you not stay to see. I honestly would not have, but you've always been so much braver than I am. But how he reacted could mean everything. Maybe he felt something for you as well?

Iasa

[LILY MARIE EVANS]

Oh no, he rejected me! I did it completely on impulse and he just said, "This qualifies as a type of flirting." Then I got scared and I backed off. But I don't blame him, Iasa! I was acting like such an idiot! I don't even know him and yet there I am, acting like a total hussy and hanging all over him as if I were some fresh tart!

I didn't even know I could do that! Oh Merlin, why do I have to be so horrible at this stuff?!

Lily

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[IASA ISRAFEL PEPPER]

Oh Lily,

My poor sweet Lily!

I don't want to believe that he would, but I know that ou would never lie to me. That's just dreadful! How could he just reject you like that? I mean, it might have been a silly thing for you to do, but I refuse to believe that you would ever be an idiot. You've always been much too smart for that. Severus Snape is just being a fool.

That has to be it doesn't it?

Iasa

[LILY MARIE EVANS]

This was exactly what I was afraid of when I was fourteen. I was scared of this very exact thing happening when I told Severus about how I felt! I mean, I've been gone for almost twenty years and he's probably only thought of me in passing, you know? Gods I bet he's been with so many girls in that time! Oh god! Iasa! What if he has a lover already, and I just threw myself at him like that?!

Iasa I'm such a horrible person! I don't know how I can live with myself!

I don't deserve a friend like you! I'm horrid! I'm horrid!

[A few blots of ink are stained here, obviously brought on by tears.]

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[IASA ISRAFEL PEPPER]

Oh Lily,

My poor sweet Lily!

How could you ever say that? You're not a horrid person Lily! You've never been horrid! I would never believe that you could be horrid! Besides, for all you know, maybe he didn't reject you.

Oh, no you're probably right. I'm just being hopeful.

You'll find someone Lily and he'll be wonderful! And then you'll forget all about Severus Snape and his rejection!

Iasa

[LILY MARIE EVANS]

Oh Isi, you're so wonderful. You're the only person who would forgive me for doing such a horrible thing. Do you think his girlfriend would be angry at me? Maybe I should stay away from him for the time being... I-I don't know. I thought I was over him and in some ways it does feel like that.

But at the same time, this hurts so bad...

Ugh!
[intense scribbles here]

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[IASA ISRAFEL PEPPER]

Dear Lily,

It doesn't matter if she will be or not. You didn't know. You were not trying to do anything wrong. And if she says that you were, well, she'll just have to have words with me and that is that!

Iasa